Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
