I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
there's paper in my vomit.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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