If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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