I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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