The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
