GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
