I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize