i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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