twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
