I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
