Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
