Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
