Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
