How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
