brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
