At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
time to smoke my breakfast
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
third nipple confirmed
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
