I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
