and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
