Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
