I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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