I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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