went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
