either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
