You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
