so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It was confusing and full of hummus
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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