Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
