i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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