I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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