she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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