i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The adults are the big ones right?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
