We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
