is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
