so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
