you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
