Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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