I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
