I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
