I should be sponsored by Trojan
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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