I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
