I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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