you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
