If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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