Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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