Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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