So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
