Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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