Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just gargled with NyQuil
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
