Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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