My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
