Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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