i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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