You really coming over, don't trick.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
