thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
