Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He better not be in your backpack
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
