Someone shit on the floor
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
