I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
