I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
