A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
