summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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