he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
