You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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