I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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