I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize