Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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