After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We were destined to go to rehab together
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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