I didn't shave. On purpose
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So squirting runs in the family.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
