I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
