i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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