i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Everclear isn't food dammit
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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