So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize