one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
it's like heaven, but drunker
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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