I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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