I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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