This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
