I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
